By: Sarah Fox

Image result for doubt

Child: Does God love me?


Adult: Of course He does!


Child: How do I know?


Adult: It says so in John 3:16. God loves the world so much that He was willing to give His only son to die on the cross for our sins. He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself so that we won’t have to go to hell and face death.


Child: Why does God love me?


Adult: Because we are created in His image. He formed us in the ground and breathed His breath of Life in us. We reflect who He is and we are His cherished creation.


Child: So, God loves us even if we do bad things?


Adult: Yes. He gives us Grace and Mercy to cover our flaws and to help us get back on track.


Child: But why?


Adult: Because He chooses to love us in spite of all the bad we do.


Child: Why?


Adult: …

It’s easy to answer the surface questions about God’s love:

Does God love me? Of course He does.

How do I know? John 3:16.

We always have all the answers to these questions, yet we freeze once we come to the real question: Why? Why does God choose to be faithful to us when we are never faithful to Him? It bothers me to think of all the times I failed God and He still allowed me to wake up in the morning. What is it about me that makes God give me all these blessings that I don’t deserve? My prayers are like a broken record, they are painful ballads of heartbreak. My tears stain the pages of my Bible. I can barely make it through a worship song without weeping uncontrollably. It seems like I listen to the Devil more than I do God. I claim to serve and love God with my lips, but my actions grieve the Holy Spirit. I constantly punish myself and suppress my feelings. I isolate myself from others thinking that they don’t deserve to catch this plague of hurt. Everyone hurts, some people have it worse. I feel like I don’t need to be having these feelings within me. I need to get up, study God’s word, seek after Him, cast my burdens on Him, wait on the Lord, love others, walk in His love, and the list goes on and on. That’s the thing about us humans. We always need a reason. We always look for the answer to our whys. Maybe faith is being okay with not having all the answers. Maybe faith is trusting that God loves me simply because I’m me. I guess that’s what makes Him God.


Of course, that’s hard for me to accept. I am battling a fearsome war with my faith. Sometimes I feel like God is wasting His time. Doesn’t he get tired of me not trusting Him? Will He ever get tired of me abusing His kindness and taking His love for granted every day? That’s why I’m so pissed. I’m pissed at my humanity. I’m pissed at feeling pain. I’m pissed at this long process of healing. It might take a lifetime for me to get over this. I’m just completely embarrassed by that. God doesn’t look for the people who “have it all together”. No one has it all together. God’s love is the greatest mystery in the universe. He continues to be gracious and faithful to people who are faithfully failing.

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