How to Cope With Mixed Emotions On Father’s Day

I still remember my first Father’s Day without my dad. It was a few months after he decided to walk out on my mother, sister, and I. To say that I was hurt would be an understatement. I agonized over the fact that I wouldn’t be able to make him breakfast, see him smile as I handed him my heartfelt card, and receive a hug after he read every word. However, I know that I’m not the only one who has a tough relationship with their dad. While Father’s Day may be a momentous occasion for some, for others Father’s Day brings mixed emotions as we mourn the loss of our fathers in our lives. Although these feelings of grief, doubt, rage, and dismay might cause us to resent the significance of Father’s Day, I want to let you know that those emotions are okay.

In light of these complex experiences, I’d like to provide four ways that you can cope with mixed emotions on Father’s Day:

1. Give Yourself Time to Grieve

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn. After experiencing my first Father’s Day without my dad, every Father’s Day after that felt like a nightmare. Even now, I have to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to grieve the loss of a close relationship, because that indicates that my relationship with my dad was meaningful to me. Grief is no respecter of persons. Anyone can experience grief at any time. Sometimes the feeling of sadness overtakes you without warning. There’s also no timeline for grief.

In those moments, you have to be patient and allow yourself to feel the agony. This is not to say that we should wallow in those feelings; instead, we should recognize those feelings and allow them to show us what’s happening on the inside. Giving yourself time to grieve helps you to process those emotions so that they won’t overwhelm you. It also gives you the strength to face those dark moments and hope for a brighter tomorrow.

2. Honor Others

My estranged relationship left a big hole in my heart. I used to think that no one else could fill that void until I recognized that there are other father figures in my life. During my low moments, I had some uncles, close friends, and mentors who rallied around me to show me that I wasn’t alone. In those moments, I started to see the value in the relationships that I had with my father figures. I often underestimated the importance of having great fatherly role models in my life. These relationships not only guided me through some tough times, they also showed me that I’m worth more than my pain and my past.

This Father’s Day I encourage you to celebrate your father figures and let them know how much their presence matters to you. A father figure doesn’t have to be related to you. He can be a teacher who motivated you to work hard, a mentor who guided you through that dark valley, or a friend who gave you some meaningful relationship advice. Celebrating others on Father’s Day is a great way to experience joy and gratitude. It can also allow you to look beyond the broken relationship and receive love from those close to you.

3. Lean on Your Community

When experiencing grief or an array of different emotions, it’s important to have a community to connect with and lean on. For me, I learned to reach out to others whenever I was experiencing anger or grief over my estranged relationship with my dad. Whether it’s an encouraging text message, a long phone call, or a small get together, connecting with others is imperative for processing negative emotions. The last thing you’d want to do is isolate yourself from others. Isolation enhances the negative emotions and makes them feel more powerful than they actually are.

If you deny yourself the ability to connect with others, you’re missing out on profound relationships that can help you move forward during emotional times. Asking others to walk alongside you during your dark moments can help you navigate those feelings and lead you to a better path of healing. If Father’s Day is a tough holiday for you to get through, use it as an opportunity to call a friend, catch up with a mentor, or reach out to someone who is well-equipped to help you process your emotions. Having a strong support system makes all the difference when navigating tough times.

4. Allow Yourself to Heal

This final rule is also a difficult one to implement. In a similar vein to the first rule, allowing yourself to heal is a significant part in coping with mixed or negative emotions. On my first Father’s Day without my dad, I tried to act like nothing was bothering me. In reality, I was hurt by the fact that I couldn’t spend time with my dad like I used to. Even with all of that emotional turmoil, I learned (through consistent practice and great advice from others) that healing takes time.

Healing is never an easy process. Some days you feel like you’re making progress and other days you feel like you’re taking one step forward and ten steps back. While all of these moments are part of the healing journey, the end result is always worth the wait. This Father’s Day, allow yourself to heal from the loss of that fatherly relationship. If you’re struggling to heal, that’s okay; just remember that there is no due date for internal transformation.

Father’s Day can come with a lot of baggage, especially concerning broken relationships and fresh wounds. Although this holiday is still a sore subject for me and many others, I want to encourage you: you can get through this. When emotions are running high on this day, try to remember these things: First, it’s okay to have mixed emotions on Father’s Day; second, you are not alone; and lastly, there is no rush in the healing process—take your time and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. The journey may be challenging, but the internal growth is always worth the wait.