Following the recent deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and many others, I decided to share my tumultuous emotions with God. This was the first time that I ever processed through aspects of my racial identity in my relationship with Jesus. I hope that this prayer illuminates the plight of racial injustice in America and how we can extend Christ-like love to those who engage in racially offensive behaviors.
Dear God,
I don’t even know where to begin with this prayer. Over the past few weeks, there have been multiple murders caused by police brutality and deep-seeded racism. The most recent incident was the murder of George Floyd. Floyd was killed by former officer Dereck Chauvin who pressed his knee on the back of Floyd’s neck. As George cried out for help and told the officer that he couldn’t breathe, his pleas were ignored as Chauvin kept his knee in place.
Chavin also stayed on Floyd’s neck for an extra three minutes after he died. Lord, I’m so pissed off right now. I’m so filled with rage because this kind of brutality has been going on in America for centuries. Even now, I struggle to fully accept my racial identity because I often believe the lie that my worth is dictated by my skin tone. Although I sometimes question my worth, I’m reminded that my identity in Christ is greater than my blackness.
I often wonder, who had the right to deem black people as threats, criminals, and worthless creatures? Who had the right to say that light skin is the right skin? Lord, I’m curious, why did You create me to be a black woman? What value do I add to the world when I’m constantly told that my worth is based on a racist social hierarchy? I know that my faith takes precedence over my race, but I must acknowledge that before I became a Christian I was black.
Even after I became a Christian, my ethnic background never changed. Lord, You created diversity for a reason. You didn’t give us variations in culture and ethnicity for us to be indifferent or colorblind. It’s difficult to find the balance between advocating for racial equality and properly representing You when it comes to speaking about race. Help me to know the difference between righteous anger and unbridled rage.
Jesus, I admire Your heart for justice. When You saw that something was wrong, You spoke up about it. You turned over tables, cursed Pharisees, and silenced false accusers. You weren’t trying to be a radical activist, yet You fought for the disadvantaged groups. You spent time with people who were deemed “worthless” by an oppressive regime. While You rebuked the ignorant people, You also showed them unconditional love.
Lord, I’m heartbroken over this situation because I never valued my blackness until my last two years of college. Although I grew up in a Caribbean household and went to predominantly black schools during early childhood, I despised my dark skin. I begged my mother for a perm because I hated getting my kinky hair combed. I tried to stay out of the sun because my family members always made comments about how dark my skin was.
In elementary school, I often got bullied for my dark skin. In my junior year of college, I tried to lose weight because I was ashamed of my curves and wanted to be thin like my white friends. I did all of these things because I believed that blackness was ugliness. I was told by American society that if my hair wasn’t straight or if my skin was darker than a brown paper bag, I wasn’t beautiful or worthy of love.
In going to a predominantly white college, I realized the absurdity of the racial hierarchy. As I did research on my culture, engaged in hard conversations about race with friends, and became a leader in the Black and Hispanic Student Union on campus, I realized that You created me with a unique purpose.
You gave me a voice to stand against injustice and to share Christ’s love with those who are lost. You reminded me that I’m “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God, You showed me through Your Word and through close friends that I’m precious in Your sight.
Lord, I’m grateful that I can come to You about these issues. I thank You for allowing me to recognize that there are no racial barriers in Your love for me (Romans 8:38-39). I’m glad that I can talk to You about racism and not have to over-explain myself. I thank You that I can cry out about racial injustice and have the assurance that You’re listening. Please forgive me for believing that my dark skin made me unlovable. Thanks for helping me realize that I’m Your beautiful, black daughter.
Jesus, help me to “be angry and sin not” (Ephesians 4:26). Help me not to hate police officers or white people. Help me not to be so consumed by my rage that I miss the redeeming power of the Gospel. Lord, help me to speak boldly against racial injustice and to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. When the self-doubt comes, remind me that You created me with a purpose (Jeremiah 1:5).
While I remain heartbroken, tired, angry, and disoriented by the situation, I know that You are “working all things together for good” (Romans 8:28). Lord, unify Your Church so that we can share Your love with racial offenders. Grant us the wisdom to uncover the spiritual dimensions of racism and the boldness to speak the truth in love. We are all exhausted in the fight for justice, but I know that You will give us the strength to move forward.
Love Sarah,
Your precious, Black daughter
Sarah I. Fox 
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